The Key to Ending Pain With Others (How To Deal With Extreme Emotional Pain)

It has taken me 40 years to learn exactly how to free myself from pain with others. After reading the book The Dammapada I sat under a tree to contemplate, and meditate on the wisdom I was soaking in to the depths of my heart, mind and soul.

I remembered crying oceans of tears in my past, trying to "get it right" with relationships, and remembered going through tremendous turmoil as I slowly learned how to be authentic and genuine.

Then, I felt a deep and profound inner transformation as the words "give compassion and understanding" came into my mind.

It was one of the greatest AHA moments that have changed my life.

While sitting under the tree, divine wisdom poured into my mind and I am deeply grateful to be able to pass this wisdom on to you.

When someone does or says something that is upsetting to you, give compassion and understanding for where they are on their path, for where they are coming from, rather than try to "get" them to understand you.

When you are giving compassion and understanding, you are no longer trapped into trying to get the same compassion and understanding from the other person.

If someone you love no longer wants to be in your life, give compassion and understanding, rather than try to get them back.

If someone disagrees with your way of doing things, give compassion and understanding for their views, and then simply continue to do as you prefer. There is no need to argue or debate. When you are giving, you are authentically awakened and empowered in the most altruistic sense a human being can attain.

If you are in a situation with someone who brings harm to you, remove yourself from that person completely, and give compassion and understanding for the level of growth they had at the time.

You see, when you are giving, you are living in the moment, and fully in charge, alive, vibrant, and are no longer seeking to get or obtain anything from anyone else. When you are trying to get something from another, such as approval, love, validation, permission, or anything else, this undermines the authentic power of your heart, mind, and soul combined. Once you give compassion and understanding you are free to BE who you really are, rather than dance around someone else's tune to "get" his or her approval.

Think about it; by giving compassion and understanding, so many disputes can be settled in harmony. So many things that another did or said can be taken into that place of compassion and understanding within you, which will free you from anger, sadness, pain, and turmoil.

How long have you tried to "get" compassion and understanding from others? Probably decades. How far have you gotten? Probably not anywhere near where you are about to go.

With compassion and understanding as your guideposts in life, you can weather any storm. You are free to go with the flow of life, rather than try to create a new bend in a river. You are free to allow others their birthright to be who they are, without trying to change them. This in turn will free you.

The key to ending pain with others is to give others the compassion and understanding that you would like to receive from them instead. That is the key!

If others are giving you a difficult time, rather than try to get them to see your view, give compassion and understanding for their view. Then, there is no need for debates, arguments, criticism, or ill actions. Where compassion and understanding dwell, discord is eliminated.

Some of the most profound awakening concepts for humanity are so simple, that we are not taught to take them in and contemplate on them for permanent, lasting and positive change. Most people want the quick fix. And here, I am happy to give it to you: When you give compassion and understanding to others, you are forever free from the ego's trap of trying to get anything from them. You are free to live as you most desire. You are free to forgive when you care about someone who may have made a mistake or did not live up to your expectations. You are free to fulfill your own expectations from the compassion and understanding you give to yourself, and this, I have experienced, will relieve your suffering and pain with others permanently.

Managing the Heartbreak of a Relationship Breakup

After a relationship ends, many people think their heartbreak will be easy to manage. Unfortunately, like so many of us they come to realize that dealing with a breakup can be devastating including the breakup pain that goes along with it. So, in the end it will quickly become obvious that this is not going to be an easy or enjoyable experience.

What some fail to recognize is that carrying a torch for someone after a love affair is a lot like grieving (in the respect that the relationship has passed on). When it comes to dealing with a broken intimate relationship, it is important that you look past the pain and find a way to move on with your life, even if it seems impossible.

Anyone who has ever gone through a relationship breakup knows that it perfectly normal to feel a large degree of insecurity and emotional pain immediately following their heartbreak. Sadly, some people going through these feelings have no one in the world to turn to, which is why they suffer so tragically over their loss. Dealing with breakup pain all by yourself can appear daunting at first, but if just for a moment you stop and consider how many people deal with both love and loss in the course of a lifetime you might begin to see that you are really not alone. So while your breakup pain may seem crippling in this moment, rest easy in knowing that this will pass faster if are willing to deal with your heartbreak pain the right way, and in a way that is healthy for both mind and body.

So why is the pain from a love breakup so difficult?

Because the love in your relationship was a very personal experience, your loss will appear heightened and as if you are the only one who has suffered the kind of pain you're going through. Fear of the unknown also plays an important factor when dealing with a breakup as well as the loss of control over your situation. Rather than giving up, it is important that you allow yourself the necessary time to heal. Instead of dwelling on the painful split from your lover, focus on your own needs. Spend time with friends and family (if you have them available) and let them help you get your mind off your heartbreak. They will probably realize you're going through something painful and will want to be there to help you through this difficult time.

In order to promote healing, don't dwell on bad feelings and focus on the good parts of your life. Get out, enjoy nature or renew an old gym membership. In doing so you will begin to feel better about yourself and might even begin thinking about finding someone new. It could even be with someone that has a better dynamic with you! Who knows?

I should also mention that after your ex realizes you have moved on after your relationship breakup, they may suddenly begin to wonder what you have been up to. If you are interested in renewing your relationship with your ex, take things slow and start as friends. Time will ultimately tell if the two of you are meant to be together. So in the mean time, why not relax and simply have a little fun!

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